The People Who Never Invite Anyone Over: Rethinking Hosting at Home

As a big planner and host, I realize that hosting at home is not for everyone. And the reasons for that can differ greatly. 

I’ve noticed that I’m often the one doing the inviting, but many times, I don’t receive an invitation back. Somewhere along the way, I seem to have become the host and planner in many of my friend groups, which I’m totally okay with. I genuinely enjoy bringing people together. But it did get me thinking: why don’t some people ever invite anyone over? 

I don’t think there is one simple answer. Sometimes it’s a matter of space, time or money. Other times, hosting simply feels like more work than we have the energy for. And I can understand that, because I haven’t always been the host, either.

When I was between homes in Germany, I spent two months living in a temporary studio flat. There wasn’t much space, and I definitely didn’t have a big dining table where I could gather a group of people. For me, space was the biggest bottleneck.

For others, it might be the amount of work involved or the idea that hosting at home is expensive. I often hear, “I don’t have much time,” or “Everyone is too busy.” And I understand it. The idea of hosting a dinner or gathering can feel daunting. But does it have to be?

When you hear “hosting a dinner party,” what do you imagine you have to do? Deep clean the whole flat or house? Plan a menu? Shop, cook, set the table, buy the drinks and then clean everything up afterwards?

How much of that is actually necessary to make someone feel welcome?

I think we sometimes make hosting at home bigger than it needs to be. Think about the smallest possible version of hosting. Is having a friend over for matcha hosting? What about takeaway and wine? Or simply inviting someone to join you for the dinner you were already going to make?

Even during those two months in my temporary flat, I had a friend over for dinner. Another time, I invited a friend over for wine on the balcony. These were much smaller forms of hosting, but they were still hosting. There doesn’t always need to be extensive planning or effort behind an invitation.

You don’t need a home worth showing off. You need a home you’re willing to share.

Of course, I didn’t have the space to host eight people around a table. But I could host on a smaller scale that suited the home I had at the time.

Sometimes the problem isn’t that our home can’t accommodate the gathering we’re imagining. It’s that we haven’t changed the gathering to accommodate the home we actually have.

And maybe this is also why I’ve become okay with being the person who does a lot of the inviting.

Of course, there are times when I would love to be on the receiving end of an invitation, too. When you’re often the one planning the dinner, sending the message or figuring out when everyone is free, you do notice when those invitations aren’t always returned. But I’ve also realized that friendship doesn’t necessarily have to look perfectly reciprocal in that way.

Some people are natural hosts. Some are the ones who always bring something. Some are the first to say yes to an invitation, help clean up at the end of the night or suggest meeting somewhere else. We all show up for our friendships differently.

And when I think about the people I invite into my home, more than anything, I feel grateful that I have people to invite in the first place.

There is something really special about looking around your table and seeing friends eating, talking and laughing in your home. All the planning and preparation is really just the background to that. The people are the reason I keep doing it.

I love being the person who brings everyone together, and I feel lucky to have people in my life who I want to welcome into my home.

And if you’re usually the person waiting for someone else to send the invitation, maybe this is your little nudge to be the one who sends it next time. It doesn’t have to be eight people around a beautifully set table. It can be one friend, two glasses of wine and whatever space you have.

Because in the end, hosting at home isn’t really about the home. It’s about making room for someone in your life.